Unfortunately...

...it wasn't to be.

My results came back the same.

I am thinking about whether raw food didn't work for me at all, or whether there could be some other explanation for the experiment not having worked, and whether it would be worth me trying again.

Hmm....

Another 100 days???

Day 100 - Over & out

This was the day I have been looking forward to since Monday 28th March.

I made it!

My doctor did the test yesterday - I have another 14 days apparently, until I find out if my raw food experiment worked. So oder so (as they say in German) I'm glad I tried it. And I am well proud of myself for managing to see it through to the end.

In a little over three hours I am going to celebrate by making me some fresh salted popcorn.

To all who encouraged me on my travels (good friends, parents of my children's friends, facebook friends, community friends, chopsis', fellow raw foodians, yea even the well-meaning sceptics) I thank you deeply from the bottom of my heart...

Finally...thank you Dirkness for your unwavering support, for your "mitleiden" for buying the equipment, for bringing the ingredients, for taking me to so many dinners, for keeping me going, for rawing with me, for laughter and the tears...

♥

Day 97 - Poem by Tyrell & Sharon (Haiku IV)

"tick tock on the clock

but the party don't stop" - love

that kesha hip-hop

Day 95 - Black and Raw

It's been a while since I last posted.

That's because this particular post has been brewing for a while, initiated by a tearful, non-shopping trip to my local Rossman.

Just two days ago, an emotional conversation about meat, Africa and childhood with a dear friend of mine made me realise that there is much much more to veganism than I have really been letting on. My choice of food affects my life in so many more ways, than simply the decision of what to put in my shopping bag, what to order from the restaurant menu or what to feed my children. It is a statement of who I am.

Identity.

Having never been white, I am certainly not an authority on this subject, but I can well imagine that the experience of being a Black (raw) vegan is completely different to being a white one. I am, by way of example, already quite expert in the ways of negotiating exclusion. I know what discrimination looks like. I am active in personal, political and professional ways in the struggle towards more diversity, social justice and social inclusion. And to be honest - it just doesn't feel good to be on the outside looking in. Who wants that?

So, as I walked through Rossman's one afternoon, already deep in one of my "what am I doing in a country that still see's me as exotic?" depressions, the feeling that I did not belong was reinforced in an extremely painful and acute way. I could not find a snack. I wanted to walk into a shop and buy something quick to eat like normal people do. It is not going to happen if you a raw vegan. I knew that. But in that moment, it wasn't about the food or eating. I just felt alone.

That feeling made me wonder (not for the first time, but in a really clear way) - what the hell is the point of this crazy diet? Because food is supposed to satisfy a number of needs. It brings people together, it nourishes, it comforts. Why should I of all people deny myself that? Me, who wants to be part of a community, live together with others, be welcomed and be welcoming - Why create such a barrier? Surely health is not only about the physical well-being but about the psychological? The spiritual? I felt utterly lost and miserable in that moment.

The truth is: I love meat and fish. I always will. I can live without dairy products quite happily. But some grilled salmon with olive oil, black pepper, lemon and tarragon? A well-done steak? My mum's chicken and peanut butter soup? No amount of tofu or saitan is going to make up for the longing I feel when standing at a BBQ or walking past a doner kebab stall. I love meat and fish. I love the smell, the taste, the texture. I love the way meat feels in my stomach - it fills and warms me and makes me feel like I have "really" eaten. And more - I love the way meat and fish are communal meals. Sunday roasts just are not the same if the chicken is replaced by nut loaf. (Duh... hello??)

And as I realised a couple of days ago - meat is special in a symbolic way for me also. Jonathan Safran Foer describes this beautifully in "Eating Animals" but I did not link it to my own childhood. For my parents meat was the very best they could do for me. It was nutritious and expensive. They themselves almost certainly did not eat meat everyday as children. Almost certainly, whenever there was meat (usually at special occasions), the best bits were given to the most senior (male) members of the family. It must have fulfilled a dream of theirs for my parents to be able to place a meal with meat everyday on the table for their children. My mother even tried to teach me how to prepare meat - skinning chicken, descaling fish, boiling snails... I have seen it all. What must it mean to her, when I now tell her "I don't do that anymore." Does she feel that I reject her and all that she raised me to be?

I first tried vegetarianism when I turned 16. I used to joke that I made the decision to annoy my parents. There is however something in that. I was rebelling against them - I didn't want to be forced into the "good wife training programme". When I first announced that I no longer wanted to learn how to cook meat, my father remarked: "and how are you going to cook it for your husband?" (lol...) to which my response was: "he is going to have to cook it himself." My father was furious.

I am a bit too old to be rebelling against them now. I am 38. I have children of my own. But following an emotional conversation about meat with a friend of mine, I came to realise that there is something really deep about my decision to turn vegan. It touches on my childhood. I am separating myself from Ghanaian culture and cuisine and in a very obvious way denying myself easy access to Ghanaian social circles. Am I simply making something explicit, which was always implicit? That I am not "really" from Ghana? And that I am not "really" from Britain or Germany? Veganism is a great way to underline that.

Or is it possible, that I can really see my dietary choice in a cultural vacuum: that I believe in animal rights, that I do believe factory farmed animals, fish and dairy products to be immoral, that I do believe veganism is a healthier, environmentally friendlier and generally more sustainable choice? And no matter which way I turn it - how is my choice received by others?

I was hurt when I realised that some people felt I was trying to put myself on the moral high-ground. That I was "preaching" to others, and forcing them to be vegan too. This has not been my intention at all. But I believe my intention is irrelevant in terms of how my choices are interpreted. What matters is what the other person understands or feels.

Being a Black raw vegan has been an interesting experience.

Being a Black raw vegan...

...interesting.

Day 86 - Red & Green Unite

I laugh in the face of EHEC

Give me that damn tomato.

Give it to me or one of us will start crying....

Day 78 - Culinary Highlights (Haiku III)

raw cheese - why did i

not discover you before
day seventy-four?

Day 75 - 3/4

Time for a brief review...

I look back on 75 days of reluctant vegan raw foodism.

It has been challenging.

I have managed to stay 99.9% raw. I have knowingly and deliberately eaten cooked food once in the whole time - when my mum was here and cooked lots of delicious Ghanaian food. I stole a teaspoon of her Okra Stew. Heaven.

I have accidentally eaten processed sweetcorn on salad once or twice. And there are a handful of occasions where I may have eaten something cooked and I simply do not know (usually in restaurants where the interesting item I have been served almost certainly was heated above 43 degrees in the preparation but is now - I am repeatedly assured by the person serving me - cold).

Vegan raw foodism is a growing trend in Berlin. Just in the space of the last 14 days I have eaten in four different specialist environments:

• Boris Lauser - a gourmet Raw Food Chef who hosts private dinner parties in his Kreuzberg home (so good I ate there twice :-)
• La Mano Verde - a vegan restaurant in Charlottenburg that serves gourmet cooked food but also has a complete raw food menu
• "Rawfood Goes ..." events organised regularly by Rawger and held in Fujisan Bar in Wilmersdorf, and
• Gesund und Sündig, also in Wilmersdorf, apparently Germany's first raw food restaurant which only opened this month

Another place is due to open in a few weeks and it will serve raw food in Görlitzer Park, Kreuzberg.

All of which is pretty amazing.

But I do miss cooked food. And I am fed up of only having a choice of a large or a small mixed salad when I go out to dinner in bulk standard restaurants - and these days I even have to fight to get a tomato or cucumber on them.

I am suffering from my decision to stop eating meat & fish (The effect - I know that even when my 100 days are up, that lightly grilled salmon with butter & tarragon will not be on my plate, no matter how non-raw I am. Those Kentucky Fried Chicken Fillet Pieces they are advertising? Sharon can just walk on by. Seeing people sitting outside restaurants tucking into their steaks could almost make me weep. I am looking forward to eating cooked food again, but I will miss meat & fish terribly for a while to come).

And I am fed up of people commenting about how much weight I have lost.

And I have turned to alcohol again - my one sin - to make it through.

I am not a raw foodian in my heart.

This experiment has been eye-opening and I hope my health issue will have been cured.

But either way, I will cease to be 100% raw on Wednesday July 6th.

I cannot wait!

What do you think my first item of cooked food should be?

Day 73 - Corn on the Cob

I didn't know if you could eat corn on the cob raw.

I read a couple of blogs that said you could including this post.

Well...

I bought some. That is, I was bought some.

I stared at it for sometime.
However good it tastes, surely raw corn on the cob cannot replace hot buttery corn on the cob I eat at every major street festival I attend? Or the salty grilled version I ate so happily in Accra as a child?

I popped both cobs into my brand new dehydrator (also bought for me - it must be ♥), covered with a splash of olive oil and drizzled with pink salt and waited a couple of hours.

It's true that it doesn't taste the same. But it does taste good. Damn good.

Raw corn on the cob is saving me from death by salad.

Day 67 - Avocado thing

I need a better name for this dish...

I created this having been inspired by Boris and his most inventive use of marinated aubergine.

I thought my aubergine days were over for the rest of my raw life. But then - I tasted the aubergine and broad bean quiche and I was hooked.

So I went home and bought me some aubergine, cubed it up and marinaded it in:

olive oil

garlic

ginger

sesame seeds

agave nectar

pink salt (now that would be a good name for a piece of creative writing)

black pepper

a very little bit of chili

a squeeze of lemon juice

all whizzed up in a blender.

I marinaded it in the fridge for at least a day, but was not really focused on how to make a quiche I must admit. So adventurous I am not. And especially without a dehydrator. So I made the meal that you can see in the photo above.

Avocado thing (otherwise known as guacamole) with a side of a Something Else thing (made with aubergine).

It tasted quite good actually.

I just need a damn name...

Day 61 - Oh. My. Sainted. Aunts.

Delicious does not even come close.

The edited highlights are :

* Boris Lauser is a raw food genius.

* Real raw food is amazing

* I need a job that pays around 6,000 € monthly after tax, so that I can hire Mr. Lauser as my personal chef / raw food instructor.

Damn, that was delicious!

My only criticism - there wasn't enough of it!

.....

To start with, we were served with a welcome drink. Mango and fermented something. Boris kindly told us all about it, I cannot remember anything except that it is very good for you. Admittedly, it tasted a bit gewöhnungsbedürftigt

The first course looked great - a two-colour asparagus creation (something like a mousse) with a side salad and an orangey source (ingredient not colour).

Wonderful. I love asparagus. And the peeling-chopping into small pieces-then eating thing isn't happening.

The second course was an aubergine and Saubohnen quiche. I have no idea what Saubohnen are in English - or England - but they look like broad beans (oh I just checked Leo, they are broad beans). Whatever. When did you ever eat beans and actually enjoy them? Well, on Wednesday night I did! Delicious. The quiche - I would never have guessed that it wasn't cooked - was amazing. And I love aubergine and have been suffering from withdrawal symptoms from them also. But now I have been inspired and I am going to marinade the one I bought today in Alnatura as soon as this blog post is finished... :-)

The third course the selection of nut cheeses and different kinds of bread. Mindblowing.

So, this was my strategy for eating. I tasted a little of each of the four cheeses and three slices of bread (I can no longer remember all of them I had my clear favourites, the rest paled into insignificance - which btw is only testimony to how great my favourites were...) I ranked each of the breads and cheeses very quickly and then ate them in reverse favourite order.

People my word for today is: Olive bread and Cashew Nut Cheese.

Wow.

And then a long time nothing.

Boris if you are reading this - I do not want to learn how to make the cheese myself. I want to be in enough supply of it to be able to bathe in it! I have tried to imitate your olive bread today. Ich bin gespannt....

Finally, the fourth course, an absolutely delicious moussy-type desert. Made by Melanie - another excellent raw food chef. The bits of chocolate sprinkled over the top were particularly mind-blowing.

I got to take another portion of pretty much everything home with me and enjoy the whole experience again the next morning. I can now look the remaining 40 days of my raw food experiment squarely in the eye and with confidence. I know how raw food can taste.

Bring it on.

Thank you Boris for rescuing me from almost certain insanity.

Day 59 - Gourmet Dinner!

Oh joy!

I am going out to dinner today - to a place that caters for raw foodians!

Boris Lauser - apparently some kind of raw food genius - is holding one of his regular private dinner parties tonight. We are already booked in. The timing of this could not have been better.

I am on a bit of a food strike -

I have stopped eating raw bread and green salads - cashew nuts and bananas will also bite the dust soon. Avocados are slowly coming back into favour.

I am so looking forward to Boris working his magic - I desperately need to eat something more inspired than "Feldsalat".

Check out the menu: http://www.balive.org/b-alive/dinner-club-20th-may/

...and watch this space :-)

Day 57 - Top Tip

My top-tip for weight gain:
Do not go on a raw food diet.

Day 54 - Mini Kebabs

I still do not have a dehydrator - apparently a wonderful device which helps raw foodians to move beyond salads and smoothies to something almost resembling cooked food.

It is on its way...

Meanwhile, I turned the oven to the lowest possible setting, "warmed it up" and then turned it off again after 15 or 20 minutes. As it was cooling down, I prepared the kebabs.

I am guessing that by the time I put the kebabs in the oven, the ideal temperature of 40-43 degrees celsius had been reached (you can set this temperature exactly on a dehydrator).

The kebabs were delicious.

--

1. Cut chunks of one courgette and one red pepper, slice around 15 mushrooms in half
2. Put the vegetable pieces on cocktail sticks (if you are anal like I am, make sure everything is about the same size and that the vegetable order is maintained on each stick), and put these on a tray lined with baking paper.
3. Prepare a marinade by blending together ca 100 ml of olive oil, 1/2 clove of garlic, 1 teaspoon of raw agave syrup (the raw foodians substitute for honey and sugar - I use it practically everywhere), a little chili, a little fresh ginger, a little salt.
4. Pour the marinade over the mini-kebabs and put the tray in the oven.
5. Leave the whole thing for as long as possible (in a dehydrator it would be there for about 2 hours at 43 degrees celsius)
6. Enjoy...

Day 51 - White Teeth

Whatever you say about my weight, my diet, my conversation - one thing that cannot be denied: raw food is great for teeth. They have never been so clean and white!

Day 45 - TIRED!

I don't understand it.

I keep reading testimonies from other raw foodians which go something like this:

...Eating raw gives you an amazing boost in energy. I used to get tired around 2 or 3pm during the day. Now I simply don’t have that problem. When I do get tired, it doesn’t last nearly as long and an orange or apple will recharge me within a few minutes... I’ve slept better than ever while eating raw. But most importantly, I don’t wake up feeling tired or groggy anymore. On most days, I wake up feeling full of energy...
Taken from: 10 Reasons Eating Raw is Healthier For You and the Planet

Why do I not feel this way?
I simply feel exhausted all the time.

I am trying:

- drinking more

- B12 & Iron supplements

- eating & snacking as much as I can

And maybe I will just need to persevere, as it is likely that I am anaemic, and this will not correct itself overnight. I have also had lots of emotional stuff going on, and probably also because of this, I have been feeling tired for several months . But still. I have been 100% raw for almost half of the experiment timeframe now. The gal I quote above, was saying this after only 30 days (or perhaps even less).

How can I get my energy back? Somebody?!

Day 43 - Creamy Tomato Soup

I am getting the hang of this raw food thing :-)

This is my very own hommage to Cream of Tomato Soup...

Ingredients:

4 tomatoes
1/2 paprika
1 clove of garlic
a little chili (how hot can you stand it?)
a little salt
a handful of pine nuts
juice of half a lemon

put the whole lot in a small food mixeror blender, add some warm water (adjust the amount according to how thick the soup should be)

mix away...

pour into a white bowl, garnish with fresh parsley & take a photo of it...

Day 41 - Energy & Weight Gain

Raw Shaz 2011 (self portrait)

Check it

I was in a restaurant yesterday ordering some food and it was the usual - what do they have that is raw? Hmm looks like salad again.

The way I order salads now is to give a standard intro:

"Please could I have number 7, but without the meat/fish/eggs and no dressing or sweetcorn, but could I have olive oil and vinegar?"

(Varies depending on the exact menu to hand).

Sometimes it requires me to repeat myself a couple of times. At which point I ignore the bit after dressing. Sometimes it goes smooth like a baby's bottom. Then I get adventurous and add:

"Do you have mushrooms? Raw? Could I have a couple of those? But not tinned, and not fried or anything. Just plain raw mushrooms. Thanks!"

But yesterday I went a little too far and I added:

"I am on a raw food diet".

I guess she only heard the word "diet". And she says: "You are on a diet? What more do you want to lose? There will be nothing left of you!"

I joked and said something about how I was proof that the diet worked really well and you should have seen me before I started, and laughed a little.

The truth is, her comment did hurt me a bit.

See, I have always been underweight and I have found it either irrelevant or slightly embarrasing, depending on how many comments I draw from others (always other women).

But it seems, since I have gone raw, I have lost even more weight. And my guess is I am around 53 kilos right now. Seeing as I am 1.76m, this is not very good - even for my standards. So I am on a mission to gain weight. Which is a challenge if you are a raw vegan (ha, especially a reluctant one!).

I have been researching and you know what I came up with?

Mind-blowing really. The most effective way to gain weight is to eat more and eat frequently.

Who would have Adam-n-Eve'd it.

I will also be emphasising:

• Increase my protein intake - Sunflower seeds, almonds, pumpkin seeds, sesame seeds
• Increase my carbs intake - fresh fruits (and dried fruits), fresh vegetables (esp. leafy greens) & wholegrains (eg raw bread)
• Increase my fat intake - cold pressed oils on sandwiches, salads etc.

If anyone has any other clever tips, please do comment! Thanks...

Day 40 - Meet Jeff

www.jefftherawfoodchef.com

Day 29 - No more Alcohol

It is true that white wine is raw. It is.

I drank it happily because I read that fact everytime I googled for it.

And Lord knows, I would have found it near impossible to begin this experiment without access to at least one little sin...

But my body kept shouting at me.

I tried to ignore it, but my body said each time quite clearly:

"Girlfriend, who are you trying to fool? This is poison!"

What is the point of doing a health food experiment and then filling your liver up with toxins at the same time. The alcohol bit the dust today.

I mourned a little but from outside no-one could tell...

Day 28 - Preparing for the picnic (Haiku II)

but what can they eat?

pearls of sweat form on her brow

damn those raw vegans!

(Inspired by a lovely afternoon in Tempelhofer Park with my chopsis' ♥)

Day 26 - Slowly becoming convinced...

Watched this two-part short film about the health benefits of raw food...

Interesting. And am really glad that I am trying it now :-)

(by the way, it is subtitled with several languages - it looks messy & confusing, but on the plus side pretty much anyone who can read can follow the lessons of this film)

Day 22 - Pizza!

I made a wicked raw food pizza today.

It tastes really good, and even though I've lost weight (and I really could not afford to do that), I am thinking this raw food thing is good for me.

I am going to stick with it for a while.

Recipe:

Raw bread

Sundried Tomatoes

Cherry Tomatoes (optional)

Olives

Doing it:

1. Put the raw bread on your plate
2. Mix up the sundried tomotoes in the blender (to make it easier to mix, I added two or three cherry tomatoes to the mixture too)
3. Spread tomato mixture onto the raw bread (aka pizza base)
4. Top with sliced olives

Eat it.

Enjoy it's fabulous taste. I had it with tomato salad.

Day 16 - Cheese Fondue

We left Berlin - Bahnhof Zoo at 6.00am and arrived in Gstaad, Switzerland at 8.30pm or so.

We first dropped off our luggage in the hotel (where I laid out my bread to dry)

At dinner, I watched a whole restaurant-full of people tucking into cheese fondue, and I stayed strong.

And drank white wine.

Day 15 - On Searching For an Exciting Dinner (Haiku I)

I look in the fridge

The choices I have are poor

Kohlrabi - again

Day 12 - Freshly Squeezed Juice

This morning I am not running out of the house at some ridiculously early hour in the morning, so I am being offered a freshly squeezed apple and orange juice for breakfast.

Now we are talking...

I am feeling surprisingly fine - I thought by now I may be clawing at the walls, looking for the extra nutrition that comes from such a radical change in diet. But I am not hungry.

The word "torture" however needs to be redefined.

My mother has come to stay (she normally lives in London) and her cooking delicious Ghanaian foods which my children happily gobble down does not make me happy.

They get my favourite: Fufu and Okro Soup.

It smells good. My salad doesn't.

Day 9 - If I see another avocado I will have to stab it

Perhaps you can get too much of a good thing.

Day 8 - "Tagliatelle"

I tried out my own creation today as a meal for two

Here for all those who are interested is the recipe.

1. Peel one courgette, and then using the peeler, create thin slices and distribute between two plates.

2. Blend together one tomato, a quarter of an onion, a clove of garlic, half a carrot, one kiwi, a little salt & a little pepper

3. Spoon mixture onto the courgettes.

4. Grate some kohlrabi on the top.

5. Serve while hungry.

This is in honour of tagliatelle with tomato sauce and grated cheese...

Day 7 - Arte

Had my fitting for the arte thing* today. I told them I needed to inform the catering department (or the bloke who makes the sandwiches) about my special diet.

Fresh fruit and veg is apparently no problem. Cool. Switzerland, here I come.

Bladder infection seems to be gone - I am not taking any chances and spending lots of time relaxing, sitting, lying down and drinking herbal teas and water.

Bad mood is much better though...

---

*the arte thing: I have successfully auditioned and will be a featured extra in the next series of Idents. No idea when they will be shown on T.V. I am the "Hinsetzer" (the Sit-Downer). Am very happy with this role. Very. Next stop Hollywood.

Day 6 - Revenge of My Bladder

Bladder infection almost completely gone then back with a vengeance. Shame. I wanted to dance at Pasquale's party.

Felt grumpy and irritable for most of the day.

Was good to hang out with excellent people in the evening though.

The party rocked. And you really can get drunk on mineral water. Well - I can.

Day 5 - Bad Mood

Bladder infection. All round general bad mood. Exhaustion.

There are lots of explanations for this.

I for one do not blame it on the fact that yesterday I was living almost only on rocket salad leaves and mushrooms.

Not one bit.

I slept a lot. Lewis made me raw food vegan breakfast in bed. That is true love.

Wondering what vegan raw foodians do when they travel away from home for more than 24 hours...

Day 4 - Aloe Blacc

We ran out of avocados. Damn. Still...I do have so much to eat.

These are the advantages of having a boyfriend who runs an organic supermarket :-)

I wonder if they will still be in business when my raw food vegan diet experiment is over...

Drank only water at the Aloe Blacc concert. Those who know my love of consumption of alcoholic beverages found this either totally bizarre (Pas) or simply hilarious (Manu).

Yup.

I have now become a social pariah. I knew this would happen...

Day 3 - Be Healthy!

How do you do this without recourse to avocados? I cannot get enough of them.

Visitors tonight - Sebastian & Manu eat raw food without me really asking for their permission...

They seem to be happy enough. Manu and I enjoy some white wine together - apparently that *is* raw too!

I might survive this after all...

I am asked why I am doing this. My answer: this is medically indicated. I want to cure myself of an affliction that I have had for the last three years, and this is my last resort before surgery. Fingers are crossed.

Sebastian introduced me to "Be Healthy" from Dead Prez. THANK YOU!
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a1HEYPZ4_1Y)

Day 2 - Raw Bread is Good

Hey I am pleasantly surprised. I do like the raw bread, even more than the standard stuff.

I don't miss anything at breakfast time, as I usually didn't eat at all. Now I eat lots of fruit - I am slightly panicked about possibly suddenly feeling hungry and then stuffing my face with the nearest McCrap that comes to hand...This is why I am carrying food with me.

I have never eaten so many cashews in my life.

At the Ghana vs England game I drank mineral water and ate a fresh salad. The world looks up.

Lewis' burger and chips were tempting, but I was strong...

Day 1 - Only 99 left to go...

I have finally begun. Already hating it and only 30 seconds have passed.

No more Latte Macchiato

The gravity of what I am doing is just beginning to hit me.

I would kill for a bacon sandwich right now (ok, it's a figure of speech...)

Dirk made some raw bread in the evening. *Scepticism*